Divorces can be messy at the best of times. But this messiness is intensified when children are involved.
Depending on the circumstances, parallel parenting may be suggested by the court to ensure the fairest (and safest) outcome for everyone involved. And with research now suggesting that one in four divorce cases leans towards the ‘high conflict’ category, this may be the best course of action for your divorce if you’re experiencing something similar.
But what exactly is parallel parenting? And why has it become a more approachable topic in the last few years? If you’re planning a divorce and want to explore all the options available to you and your children, St Helens Law is here to help. We’re expert divorce lawyers with a proven track record of ensuring fair and reasonable separations.
Contact a member of the team today, or keep reading to learn more.
What is Parallel Parenting?
Parallel parenting is often referred to as the “business model” of parenting. In short, it eliminates unnecessary contact between parents who share custody of a child (or multiple children) as much as possible after separation/divorce, thereby minimising conflict.
This is where the “parallel” phrasing comes in; much like two lines running parallel to each other, the two parents in the arrangements do not need to cross paths.
While still uncommon compared to more traditional co-parenting arrangements, parallel parenting can be infinitely useful if the relationship between the two parents ended due to a conflict, criminal act, or if there is still simply bad blood between the two.
Signs You Need a Parallel Parenting Plan
Technically, any couple could opt for parallel parenting, but it is often reserved for more serious situations, including:
- Accusatory or inflammatory bickering
- Significantly different parenting styles, disagreements on major parenting decisions, and similar parental conflict
- Cultural or religious disagreements
- Histories of domestic abuse (including physical and/or psychological abuse)
- Past criminality of the co-parent that may have put the child at risk (such as alcohol abuse, drug taking, etc.)
In other words, if there is a significant rift between the two parents that places the health or well-being of the child in the spotlight and has the potential to “explode” should the two parents begin a dialogue again, you should consider a parallel parent alternative.
The Role of the UK Courts in Parallel Parenting for Separated Parents
When it comes to parallel parenting, UK courts are far more open-minded now than they ever were.
In the past, the emphasis has always been on creating a shared parenting system that benefits the rights of both parents as equally as possible. As you can expect, for any parent who loves their child, this would mean unavoidable contact with their former partner for supportive or even purely organisational and scheduling reasons.
However, today, UK courts recognise that it is not always in the best interest of the child to effectively “force” their parents to communicate, as this could lead to awkward, heated, or even violent outbursts.
What makes parallel parenting suitable in this instance is that it’s a system in which both parents have the chance to see and care for their children individually, without one parent needing to interact with the other.
Co-Parenting Apps: Leveraging Technology in Parallel Parenting
Once upon a time, it would have been almost impossible for separated or divorced parents to arrange proper parenting without the need to converse on some level. Thankfully, the digital age has welcomed the era of non-visual communications. Nowadays, you can complete tasks and share thoughts all at the touch of a button, without ever needing to “speak” to the other party.
This disconnect is amplified even further (and with good reason) with the introduction of court-approved apps that allow divorced parents to communicate effectively without ever going “off the rails.”
Many models feature inalterable messaging. This means that once a message has been sent, it cannot be changed, making it far more difficult to mount a defence with a judge if one party begins to use insulting or harassing language.
Another nifty feature of these apps is the “ToneMeter.” Using artificial intelligence, some apps can moderate chats based on perceived tone. If the AI feels the tone falls into a too-negative category, it will suggest a more pleasant and suitable alternative.
These apps can also feature shared timestamps that keep track of a person’s parenting time, GPS data, and integrated calendars that ensure connection between the two parents is limited as much as possible. They’re also home to more essential info, like the child’s medical history, important contact information, individual financial responsibilities, and legal resources.
You can even grant a solicitor or other mediator access to the app or export the data to produce court-ready reports, showing whether or not both parties are behaving and communicating appropriately for the sake of the child. Yes, these can be used in court.
Explore Parallel Parenting and Family Law with St Helens Law
Remember: Reducing or cutting contact with your former partner is not about punishing them or your child. In some cases, it’s a perfectly reasonable option that helps you move forward in a more structured, less intense format of parenting that actively improves children’s lives.
If parallel parenting sounds like something you’d benefit from, or you feel your circumstances align with the parenting style, speak to us at St Helens Law.
We’ll connect you with one of our premier divorce solicitors who’ll listen to your story and guide you through the next steps with clarity and confidence, for the betterment of your family.
Speak to a member of the team today.
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